If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
