Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
