White coat. Heels.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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