I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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