If i come over, it means nothing
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
