My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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