good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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