Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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