If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
