i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
