saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
