At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
