Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
