her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
