Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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