So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
