i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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