There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
