So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
