Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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