another moral hangover. fuck.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Im part way to drunk.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
