We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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