Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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