Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
