dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
