You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
