Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
