good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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