Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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