Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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