god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
