dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
