He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
