So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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