She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
