why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
