I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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