we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
