her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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