I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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