I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
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