craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
