I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize