He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
