I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
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