I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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