So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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