I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
