so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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