your room smells of hookers.
And success
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
