my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
