On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
