bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
