you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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