Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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