glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
