im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
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