I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
