He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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