Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I cut my penus on the lid.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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