you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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