At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It's just like the Real World with babies
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
