Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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