What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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