i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
