I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
only if we run a train.
done.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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