This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
