can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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