VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Randomize
