I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
