Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize