i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
