Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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