I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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