I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
