Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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