She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
