just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
