I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
